The Spirit of the Christian Divorce Lawyer

This guest post is by family law attorney and Regent Law Dec 2014 graduate Rebecca Lawrence:

 

Christian, divorce, and lawyer are often, on a singular level alone, controversially-charged words; combining the three can be easily considered not just controversial but also paradoxical. But does it have to be?

It almost feels as if I should be giving that ubiquitous, acknowledgment greeting of AA attendees, “Hi. My name is Bob and I’m an alcoholic.” but instead “Hi. My name is Rebecca and I’m a Christian divorce lawyer.” While there is a tinge of discomfort there I want to be clear that it isn’t because I have concern over my profession.  Rather, any discomfort is due to the potential conversation that will ensue in answer to the all-to-oft-asked question “How can you help people get a divorce when you’re supposed to be a Christian?” Ouch. Sometimes it is just “when you’re a Christian” but assuredly there are times when they include the “supposed to be” as if by assisting in divorce, I have somehow lost my salvation. Most of the time, this question is not asked to receive an answer but instead to make an opinion known. However, there are some who legitimately want to know how I am able to reconcile my profession, my calling if you will, with my faith; this blog post is written for those who genuinely seek that question’s answer.  I think it helps to hear how as a divorce lawyer I am not only not forsaking God with my work, but to the contrary, that I am serving Him and using my work as a ministry for His good purposes.

This post initially came as a response to my dear mentor, Lynne Marie Kohm, who was not only my family law professor in law school but has also been an invaluable resource as a practicing attorney. Regent University School of Law’s Facebook page shared a paper written by Professor Kohm with the topic being “alternatives to divorce, particularly for the Christian couple, and [how] Christian attorneys can be prepared with such alternatives when distressed clients think the only solution to their marriage problems is a divorce.” I responded directly to Professor Kohm because I remember the concept of practicing as a Christian divorce lawyer being a topic in class those years ago, and also how we could glorify God while doing so. I remembered the anecdote of the divorce attorney who offers a discounted rate for those couples who attended marital counseling prior to seeking divorce. I’d like to offer here some additional reasons why the world needs Christian lawyers who know how to practice divorce law.

1.         Alternatives. Often people are done fighting for their marriages by the time they’ve stepped into my door.  For those few who continue to be unsure of being a part of ending their marriage, however, the Christian divorce lawyer who seeks His kingdom above her fee sends that client to a qualified professional counselor. “Ms. Believer, are you certain you want to go through with this? Did you want to discuss other options first? Did you want to talk to your spouse and a marriage counselor before you come back in to see me?” etc. Instead of rushing that client toward a divorce, a Christian divorce lawyer recognizes the benefit of a reconciled marriage and the possibility that all things are possible with God and counsels her client on ALL of her options.  If her only option for legal representation were a secular divorce lawyer who believes that her divorce is inevitable and encourages the client to proceed despite her misgivings, she is very ill served by the legal community.  To learn more about those alternatives that can be offered by a lawyer see Understanding and Encouraging Realistic Reconciliation in an Age of Divorce, 32 VBA J. 8 (June/July 2006).   

2.         True Sympathy. It is not uncommon for those entering my office to be the unwilling, unwanting parties to the divorce action. They come to my office because despite their repeated requests for reconciliation, counseling, etc., their spouse has checked out of the marriage and wants their divorce. Sometimes this is even after years of abuse, affairs, abandonment, etc. Quite often these clients are women believers/followers of Christ who thought they had married a man of faith.  A Christian divorce lawyer is, in my opinion, more able to recognize a client’s desire to remain married in that situation because we have a base level of understanding that the bond the parties entered into was not a contract between two parties but rather a covenant promise between three – the husband, the wife, and the Lord God - and that the abandoned spouse’s inability to concede is not “stupidity,” “idiocy,” or “naiveté” but instead a belief in God’s ability to perform miracles and a desire to live life according to His design. The Christian divorce lawyer is able to counsel this client on Biblical law and its application to today while also giving the gentle legal answer depending on the law of the jurisdiction regarding unilateral no fault divorce - “You can’t stop this moving train if one of you wants it to move, but we CAN make it so you are as taken care of as much as possible during and after the ride is over.” The Christian divorce lawyer puts the entirety of the matter into perspective without ridicule or lack of sentiment as to the client’s ongoing wish that “this isn’t happening,” and in doing so helps a client to protect him or herself when the possibly inevitable comes. This is in contrast to the potential of a secular divorce lawyer who fires the client for being unrealistic or unwilling to move forward, or who may treat that client caustically due to a perceived irrational behavior and either doesn’t represent the client as well as possible, or does more emotional harm to an already fragile and hurting individual by regularly repeating “he isn’t coming back, let’s just figure this out.”

3.         Children. Good people can make bad choices and it has all too often been proven that when emotions are involved, the journey can get ugly.  A family law attorney may have two people who are ready to get a divorce and bring in the attorney to ensure they get what they “deserve” out of their broken marriage.  But how does that work for the children? It is not atypical for a betrayed spouse to come in asking not only for his or her portion of the 401k, but also asking about how custody and visitation work and whether his or her adulterous spouse (and especially now the spouse’s paramour) must be part of the children’s lives. The Christian divorce lawyer recognizes that the overall goal is to further the kingdom and therefore despite a client’s desire to hurt a spouse or “protect” their children, the Christian divorce lawyer is able to counsel a client on the appropriate measures to take with children to mitigate a negative impact on them to the smallest degree possible, as opposed to letting clients be engulfed in anger and bitterness, damaging kids even further than what they are already experiencing. The Christian divorce lawyer puts these matters into Biblical perspective in hopes of counseling a client as to the true needs, concerns, and benefits of the children. The Christian divorce lawyer recognizes just how precious children are and helps a client to remember that we are all God’s children, even now when in the midst of a divorce, and that unless that unfaithful spouse was also a bad parent separate from the treatment of the wedding vows, parents need to continue to be parents, not for their own sake but for the sake of their children. This is in contrast to the potential of a secular divorce lawyer who doesn’t have the benefit of thinking from the scope of the very powerful and real biblical perspective.  The “counselor-at-law” part of practice allows an attorney to help his or her client to act wisely and carefully, rather than to pursue a scorched earth strategy in a custody battle where the children are unnecessarily targeted and forced into the court system when the facts didn’t call for such intervention.

4.         Support & Prayer.   Christians, even Christian lawyers, are called to be salt and light.  And we know that we are called to serve even more so those who are downtrodden and in need.  Ask any divorce attorney about the state of his or her divorce clients – they are generally individuals in great need of support.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve had a client ask me to pray for/with/over them before we enter court or the number of times I’ve felt compelled to offer the same to the clients whom I know to also be followers of Christ. It is in those moments of prayer that these weakened people feel fortified and able to face the challenge ahead of them regardless of the outcome because in those prayers, we are able to thank God for being called to a higher purpose, knowing that God’s plan is always better than our own.

Divorce is not necessarily the “end” and should certainly not be the end of a family when children are involved; the Christian divorce lawyer aids that family in navigating the muddy waters that end a marriage, while also setting a course to lead that family into new family dynamics, rather than  allowing divorce to be an avenue for revenge. Being a Christian divorce lawyer doesn’t have to be a paradox or an oxymoron or a controversy. Some of the best divorce lawyers I have had the pleasure of practicing with are fellow Christians and I have found that two Christians represented by two Christian attorneys can be some of the least painful and most economical cases because all eyes are set on proper goals such as child welfare rather than on “treasures” to be stored on earth. The children in those cases were left completely untouched by the legal system as their parents were able to work out a plan with Holy Spirit-led guidance.

The work of a Christian divorce lawyer is a ministry toward family restoration in the context of the practice of law - and it is a critically important ministry that should never be overlooked or misjudged.

 

Rebecca C. Lawrence, Regent Law Dec 2014, can be reached at:

Rebecca C. Lawrence

Lawrence Law, PLLC

7330-J George Washington Mem. Hwy.

Yorktown, Virginia 23692

Telephone Number:  (757) 655-5025

Fax Number:  (757) 282-5794           

Email address:  rcl@lawrencelawva.com