Breaking the Chains of Generational Curses in the Black Family Structure

This guest post is offered by Melissa Terrell, Regent Law 3L and current Family Law student:

I had the opportunity and the privilege to attend the King’s Daughters Connect, Inc. (“KDC”) webinar panel regarding unpacking families, the law, and marriage reconciliation within the Black Family. One of the first questions asked of the panelists was, “What does the typical Black family look like?” I paused for a moment to answer the question for myself. Contrary to popular opinion, every Black family is different, each having their own experiences. With that being said, there are common threads woven throughout each family, both in America and abroad, that makes us similar. One common thread in particular that stands out the most is the fact that we struggle in silence. We do not address the pain and the hurt our families face daily. We are taught to be strong regardless of the circumstances.

For example, I am a first generation American. My family emigrated from Guyana in South America to America. My parents came to this country at seventeen years old to start a new life. I had both parents in the home. We were deeply rooted in our Christian values and morals, and my siblings and I grew up with a strong sense of work ethic and valued education heavily. We were told that nothing would be handed to us. We have to go get it. Our Black family would look somewhat different than someone whose parents were born in America, but one of those common threads remained: we struggled in silence. We had to appear like we had it all together when everything was falling apart; everything from finances to dealing with trauma from our pasts continued to be buried generation after generation with no acknowledgement or resolution.

Professor Lynne Marie Kohm was invited to the panel to discuss her research regarding trends seen within Black families. Unfortunately, I was not surprised by her findings. Black families are experiencing declining marriage rates, significant father absences compared to our white counterparts, and higher abortion rates. Even though I was blessed not to have any direct experience with or connection to these statistics, I saw them every day in the City of Wilmington, Delaware, where I was raised. Almost none of the people I knew had parents that were married, let alone a father in the home. As I got older, I knew more than a handful of teenage girls to young adult women who have had an abortion (or even more than one). These are realities that we cannot push under the rug any longer. The KDC panel did a great job bringing awareness to these important issues plaguing the Black community. The next questions that come to mind are, what is next, and where do we go from here?

Knowledge is power. We cannot break curses that are not acknowledged. We cannot heal from what we do not acknowledge. But neither can we not acknowledge what we do not talk about to one another. Even though we are playing catch-up (so to speak) with our white counterparts in the areas of finances, ownership, stability, complete family units, and other areas of that nature, we can no longer walk around aimlessly. We cannot continue to say, “Well, that’s how it’s always been.” As a community, we need to be intentional with every step; we need to be forward thinking. Breaking generational curses takes time but it cannot happen without the initial effort. 

We cannot control how others view the Black family or the community as a whole, but we can change how we raise our individual families. Yes, we have a great time having fun with one another, eating amazing food, and joking around, but we need to have deeper conversations to get to the root of our pain and our generational curses.  We can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us. We need to use that God-given strength be honest with ourselves and the status of our family situations to rebuild what is broken within our specific households. That’s where it starts. 

As a Black woman, I am pleased that conversations like the ones presented at this panel are taking place. We need to continue these conversations to bring awareness to our families and our community at large.