This guest post is from Regent Law Masters of Law
student Annie Shankel:
Properly preparing for a family while in a stable marriage emotionally, physically, and financially will benefit your children as they grow. I’ve done it both ways. When
I was 19 and just out of high school, I met my ex-husband. We got married and
he went off to basic training. About a year and a half later I got pregnant
with my daughter, (who is now 23 years old). I was 22 when she was born. I was
waiting tables and her dad was in the army. Neither one of us went to college.
Then 2 years later we had our son (now 21 years old). We divorced and then remarried.
We lived in a 2-bedroom apartment where our children had to share a room
because we could not afford anything else. At one point we even lived in a hotel room. We
both worked 2 jobs and our children had what they needed but not everything
they wanted. We didn’t take family vacations or have extra groceries, and my
grandmother was our childcare provider when we were working - which was most of
the time. My husband joined the army in hopes of giving our family a more
stable life, but we still struggled financially. Our children went to public and
DOD schools.
I have now been married for 21 years. After 15
years of being remarried, my husband and I decided to have another child. I was
40 years old when our daughter was born.
Even though she and her siblings live in the same house, she lives a
completely different life. My husband has a good career. He spent 13 years in
the military and is now a civilian Navy contractor and I have the opportunity
to finally get my law degree (something I have always wanted to do). Our
youngest daughter has everything she needs and most of the time things she
wants. She has had the opportunity to attend a private preschool and is already
ahead of her siblings in her education. I am home with her every day while I’m
in law school and she does not know what it is like to have to be in a daycare
or to not see us for several days because of our work schedule.
This same youngest child has a college fund,
something our older 2 did not. She has a savings account and we get the
opportunity to add to it whenever we want to. Our older children tease that she
is spoiled, but the truth is she just does not need to worry about what people
will say about her clothes when she goes to school. She does not have to hear
us say “I’m so sorry but we don’t have the money for that this week. You have
to wait until payday.” Sometimes I feel badly for our older children when they
may think or say, “We didn’t get to do that when we were her age.” This is
sometimes hard to hear as a parent. They are all loved equally, but they have
undoubtedly endured some income inequality. We are grateful for our marriage,
and for each one of our children.
The bottom line in this is that economics and marriage make a tremendous difference for family stability. The moral of our family’s story is that even
though we have had our economic struggles, we still learned to strive with the
help of hard work and bettering our family life. Family restoration makes all the difference.
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