Moving Forward from the Heartbreak of Divorce

        This guest post is from Regent Law 2L Sarah Devantier:

The Bible describes marriage as created by God for the good of his people, Genesis 2:18 says “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” It should be a relationship filled with love and respect; a mirror of the relationship between Christ and the church: Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love you wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” and Ephesians 5:23 says “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” But what happens when this relationship breaks down and a family breaks apart through divorce, especially when there are children involved? What Biblical, and legal, principles can guide such a family as they move forward and try to create a peaceful future and a new sense of normalcy? How can we, as Christians and as lawyers, help clients going through this difficult process? I have laid out two Biblical and legal principles that seem especially poignant.

 

• “But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”  Luke 18:16

The Bible calls Christians to look out for and care for children and speaks repeatedly about how much God loves and values them. Christian parents are to act in the best interest of their children and raise them in a loving and Godly environment. As Christian lawyers we are called by God, and by the law of many of our states, to look out for the best interests of the children involved in any of the divorce and custody cases we handle.  In New York family courts when determining an initial petition for child custody, the court must seek to determine what arrangement is in the best interests of the child. by looking at factors including, among other things, “(1) which alternative will best promote stability; (2) the available home environments; (3) the past performance of each parent; (4) each parent's relative fitness, including his or her ability to guide the child, provide for the child's overall well being, and foster the child's relationship with the noncustodial parent; and (5) the child's desires,” Gibson v. Greene, 152 A.D.3d 592, 58 N.Y.S.3d 551 (2017).

• “If it is possible, live at peace with everyone” Romans 12:18

The Bible repeatedly describes the role of a Christian as being that of a peacemaker. In the case of a divorce working hard to keep things peaceful and avoid devolving into conflict and contention can benefit the individuals involved both spiritually and financially. Spiritually, in that allowing ourselves to become filled with bitterness and resentment will impact our relationship with God. Financially, in that the more long, drawn out, and contentious a divorce becomes, the more expensive it is for everyone involved “on average, divorce in New York can cost around $17,000. However, an uncontested divorce can be as cheap as $5,500. That's in vast contrast to a contested divorce, which can be as high as $50,000 on average.” As Christian lawyers we can encourage our clients to work together and with us to move through the painful process of divorce in as peaceful a manner as possible, for their sake and their childrens'.