3 Principles for IVF Parents

 

In light of yesterday’s Executive Order Expanding Access to In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) parents who dream of having a child through IVF now have greater hope and access to those services.  As the Order states, “infertility struggles can make conception difficult, turning what should be a joyful experience into an emotional and financial struggle. My Administration recognizes the importance of family formation, and as a Nation, our public policy must make it easier for loving and longing mothers and fathers to have children.”

This is wonderful news, and yes, it should be easier, and better thought through by parents who choose to avail themselves of this miracle reproductive technology. 

Three very clear and necessary guiding principles must assist these very special parents: 1) parent all your created embryos, 2) protect all your created embryos, and 3) protect your marriage. Let’s call this the magic of three.

One: Parent all your created embryos.

First, in your excitement to embark on the road to parenthood, create only as many embryos as you are committed to parenting. They are your children, and you are responsible for them. State laws may or may not assist in this principle, but your first concern must be that the embryos you create are your responsibility as their parent. Only create as many as you are willing to parent. 

Two: Protect all your created embryos.

Second, never choose the options of “destruction, discarding, or experimentation” for your embryos.  These will be three of your five choices (the other two being gestation toward birth, and donation for adoption). Choosing destruction, discarding, or experimentation is choosing death for your child.  Your embryos are not just medical or scientific creations; they are your children. From the moment they come into existence, they are lives—unique, whole, and worthy of protection. Each embryo carries the same dignity as the child you long to hold in your arms. To treat them as excess, discardable, or experimental is to deny the truth of their Creator. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5). From the beginning, God sees and knows each life. Your embryos are not mere potential—they are already known, loved, and entrusted to you as their parents. Indeed, every year more human children die from IVF than do from abortion. This is a tragic and largely ignored reality, yet no less true. Protect all your created embryos.

Three: Protect your marriage.

Third, guard your loving marriage.  Many couples who seek to build their families through IVF struggle through the arduous process, to the destruction of their sexual oneness and the emotional detriment of their marriage.  Don’t allow this to happen to you.  There is a plethora of cases where divorcing IVF parents litigate the fate of their embryos because their efforts to build their families have destroyed their marriages. Take care of your spouse, and guard your marriage. Your children need your strong marriage as the foundation for your family. Protect your marriage. 

These principles ought to be agreed upon by mother and father at the outset of the process, and directions given to involved physicians, counselors, and lawyers accordingly. Doing so in writing is an excellent safeguard for everyone – especially for your miracle IVF children. 

IVF parents, you are in charge of this process.  As the EO states, “infertility struggles can make conception difficult, turning what should be a joyful experience into an emotional and financial struggle.” Never allow your dreams to be hijacked by immoral choices of death for your embryos.  And never allow you, your spouse, or your children to become merely a commodity for the booming IVF industry. “You are not your own, therefore glorify God with your body,” (I Cor 6:20), protecting too the embryonic bodies of your children as their parents, parenting them from the outset, and protecting your marriage. Pursue IVF by the magic of these three guiding principles.