Family Restoration for Children of Failed Online Matches

Online dating has become a cultural phenomenon. With online dating websites quoting responsibility for nearly 5% of marriages in the U.S.[1] or claiming that hundreds of thousands of couples find love every year on their site[2], it is no wonder that people seeking true love with the hope of marriage turn to these services. Sometimes, however, the heartache is the only match they are left with. What is more saddening is when this negatively impacts children.

Kristy Gaffney is one such woman who searched such dating sights and is now fighting a custody battle she never imagined. Kristy is a single mother that began dating a man she met online. He wooed her with his claims of being a business man from a wealthy background, working for the C.I.A. She says he promised her marriage and all that she had ever hoped for. As their romantic relationship progressed, Kristy became pregnant, forever linking them together with the birth of their daughter. The baby’s father sought to sever that link by tricking her into singing away her parental rights. He did so by telling her that the paperwork she was signing was to preserve his rights as the baby’s father. Though Kristy read the documents, she was confused and relied on her love and trust in this man. Soon after she signed the documents, the man never returned her baby, telling her that he and his wife were in the final stages of adopting the baby.

Kristy took the man and his wife to court to invalidate the adoption. The judge found in favor of Kristy believing she did not know she was signing away her parental rights. The judge dismissed the adoption, invalidating it because the mother’s consent to permanently terminate parental rights was induced by fraud and duress. The baby’s father contests these allegations and has appealed the decision. The problem now is that the custody judge will not hear the case until the appeal has been heard, so custody remains with the deceptive father. This appeal could take 6 months. If the father’s appeal is denied, he may then appeal to the Supreme Court and that could take another year, leaving Kristy to see her 14 month old daughter only every other weekend as the custody order stands now. More of her story can be viewed here and read at MSNBC.

Kristy’s plea is one for family restoration; to place a daughter with her rightful, biological and intended mother. Kristy fears that in this limited custody her daughter “is missing out on her [real] mother.” She is afraid of the damage that will be done during the drawn out judicial process as her daughter becomes acquainted and accustomed to a home built on schemes and deception. Her greatest concern is how this will negatively impact her daughter even if she does regain full custody.

The attorney for the father makes a plea to Kristy that “it is not in the best interest of her daughter to make a media sensation about this baby.” This raises the question of what exactly is the best interest of the child? Many states have statutes that have a list of factors that a court will look to in determining custody of a child. In the state of Pennsylvania, where Kristy is from, a few factors include: the need for stability and continuity in the child’s education, family life and community life,[3] the attempts of a parent to turn the child against the other parent,[4] and which party is more likely to maintain a loving, stable, consistent and nurturing relationship with the child adequate for the child’s emotional needs.[5] These standards set forth by the court are essential to family restoration. Here, Kristy’s ability to provide and maintain a loving, stable community for her daughter weighs in her favor. The court will need to weigh the possibility, given the circumstances surrounding this custody battle, that the father will turn Kristy’s baby against her, alienating her from her child, as he has already tried to take her away from her mother completely.

In looking at just a few of these standards, the best interest for Kristy’s daughter is to be reunified with her birth mother so that family restoration can begin. Child custody may not be immediately identified as or associated with family restoration, but it certainly can be.

The judicial system may seem an unlikely place to find family restoration amidst divorce hearings and custody battles. However, it is the court that has the power to insure restoration of a broken family when a child has been unjustly taken from his or her rightful parent. The court can work justice, and return a child to a loving, stable, and nurturing home where she can best develop into who she was created to be. Matches made with fraudulent intent not only harm individuals, but the children who may result, who more than anything need a strong, loving, authentic family to guard their best interests.

This excellent post is the courtesy of guest blogger Alana Martinez, Regent University Juris Doctor Candidate 2012, also currently in Regent Law’s Child Advocacy Practicum.

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[1] www.eharmony.com
[2] www.match.com
[3] Pennsylvania Domestic Relations Code §5328(a)(4)
[4] Pennsylvania Domestic Relations Code §5328(a)(8)
[5] Pennsylvania Domestic Relations Code §5328(a)(9)