This guest post is from Arynn Andrews, Regent Law 3L and current Wills, Trusts, & Estates student:
Often people deal with a sense of guilt when deciding what to do with the things gifted to them by late relatives. This happened in my own family several years ago when my great aunt passed away. She was a very talented artist and left behind dozens of beautiful paintings. I loved them, but none of us were able to enjoy or even store all of them. At the same time, the fact that she was no longer living made it feel wrong to give her things away. I gave away one painting last year and was occasionally haunted with a sense of guilt and regret every time I remembered it. Many people who inherit a host of items from a loved one must go through a similar turmoil in deciding what to keep and what to discard. After someone dies, it can feel like their stuff is all you have left of them. Because of this sentimental value, surviving relatives often keep things that they cannot personally use or enjoy simply because they want to honor their loved one. But rarely do these items become heirlooms. The more likely scenario is that they will spend years in a dusty closet or cluttered garage, only to be passed onto the next person who will have to decide what to do with them.
For me, the painting
dilemma was resolved when I read Marie Kondo’s “The Art of Tidying Up.” Kondo is
the Japanese tidying expert who became famous for her method of keeping only
the items that “spark joy” when you pick them up. With this method, Kondo has
helped thousands of people declutter their lives after accumulating too much
stuff. In her book, Kondo recommends in her book a very effective method for
eliminating the sense of guilt when one must– for practical purposes– get rid
of something sentimental. Kondo practices Shintoism, a religion that emphasizes
spiritual essence in everything. As a result, she speaks of inanimate items as
though they are alive and have feelings. Essentially, Kondo says that when we
keep items out of guilt, we tend to put them in dingy space somewhere and fail
to make use of them. In this place, the items are not truly living a “happy”
life. She proposes a better way: one in which the owner “thanks” the item for
what it taught her (even if only about the owner’s preferences, and about what
the owner does not want to keep). Then, the owner lets the item go to a
home where the item will be “happier.”
As a Christian, I do
not share Kondo’s view that physical objects are alive or have feelings.
However, I could see how some of these concepts Kondo discusses are actually
biblical. For example, Jesus lived in constant gratitude to His Father and He
was free from concern about stuff (Matthew 6:33). Kondo’s book inspired me to
look to my own faith as the source of gratitude and freedom, which helped me
get rid of otherwise sentimental items without guilt. The next time I got rid of
a difficult-to-discard item, I began by thanking God for providing me with all
I have. Next, I thank God for the relationship/loved one that the gift
represented (after all, the love behind the gift is what makes it special- not
so much the thing itself). Then, I get rid of the item in hopes that it will
bless someone else. And that’s it! I found that the gratitude instantly combats
the sense of guilt I otherwise feel when getting rid of a loved one’s things.
When I think of how the item can bless someone else, I am excited to give it
away instead of sad. Ultimately, this method helped me keep only the things (or
paintings) that were most meaningful for me.
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