This post is courtesy of Cassidy Eason, Regent Law Family Law student:
No-fault
divorce states facilitate swift separations for marriages nearing an
unfortunate end. It is common for society to prioritize the well-being of young
children of divorced parents, however little attention is paid to the adult
children—the ones who have grown up, moved out of the house, started their own
lives, and are forced to witness the end of a relationship they grew up knowing
and relying on. These adult children are forced to remain emotionally stable
for their parents’ sake, gracefully managing the jarring news to lessen the
blow of losing what should be a model for love in their lives. Virginia is a
no-fault divorce state, and I am an adult child of divorce.
In
2023, after almost 30 years of marriage, my parents divorced just as I started
law school at Regent. While I appeared busy and impartial to others, supporting
both of my parents without taking sides, the reality was different. Experiencing
the abrupt end of my sole model of love and marriage was weighty and
incomprehensible. Millions of adult children of divorce, like myself, silently
grapple with the profound impact of such upheavals in our lives.
While
numerous studies examine the impact of divorce on minor children, slim research
focuses on adult children. A noteworthy 2021
study by Walden University delves into the effects of a “gray marriage” on
adult children. Adult children of divorce, or “ACOD”, face heightened risks
of anxiety and depression, often feeling caught in the middle of parental
conflicts regarding holidays, family gatherings, and more. Moreover, many
parents lean on their ACOD for emotional support, exacerbating the child’s
emotional burden. Parents often overlook the strain this places on the adult
child, assuming they are capable of providing support due to their maturity and
understanding. ACODs are intimately familiar with divorce-related issues leading
to feelings of insecurity, eroding confidence in long term relationships. Consequently,
ACODs are more likely to lose faith in marriage and long-term commitments, altering
their once optimistic perspective on matrimony.
As
stated in Mark 10:9, “therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate.” Christian lawyers have recourse to reconciliation and restoration as
a solution for troubled marriages. Despite the rising prevalence of no-fault
divorces, it’s crucial to acknowledge the impact on parties like ACODs. While
Virginia recognizes Reconciliation Agreements, the ease of no-fault divorce undermines
the pursuit of reconciliation, promoting quick fixes rather than the effort and
dedication promised in marriage vows made before God.
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